For most of us, sex toys are a fun and necessary item. That said, a sex instrument is not something that you want everyone in the home knowing about. And, while you might have mastered the art of climaxing without all the moans, a loud sex toy could undo all your hard work.
Let’s face it— that buzz is something that most people would recognize, and it’s not exactly the quietest sound in the world. It’s something that our readers have frequently commented on in the past. So today we’re going to look at options for those looking for an incognito sex toy.
Here I will cover toys that operate quietly and are easy to hide. I’ll start by going through each of these fun items—and when we’re done with that, I’ll provide you with a list of tips to help you find the perfect hidey-hole for your new toy.
I Rub My Ducky
What could be more innocent than a rubber duck sitting on the side of the bathtub? This is nothing like your cherished childhood toy, though. He might look like a squeaky toy, but he’s a vibrator that looks incredibly cute.
There’s nothing cute about the way he operates, though. He’s made out body-safe rubber, and you have a choice of three speeds and three different vibrational patterns to use. When you’re done, all you have to do is wash him up and put him back – in full sight, if you like.
But in terms of functionality—why a duck? It seems like a strange shape to make a vibrator out of, but it’s actually quite clever. You can stick the bill where the sun doesn’t shine or get him to peck at your clit. The curvy body also offers interesting possibilities.
Of all the options on this list, anyone would be hard-pressed to peg this as a vibrator upon a cursory glance. If you do decide to share it with your partner, this could lead to some interesting play. There’s just something so cute about a little duck.
Toothbrush Clitoral Vibrator
At first glance, this looks like something you’d brush your teeth with; it’s actually designed to fit onto the end of your toothbrush. You then just hold it up to your clit and let it do its thing. As far as discretion goes, it’s a pretty good option.
I don’t think that I’d go so far as to use the same toothbrush that I use to brush my teeth, however; I think this warrants its own device. But I do like the concept: It’s quick, it’s easy, and clean-up should be a breeze.
Fire it up for a fun session and then wash it off before sticking it back in the bathroom cabinet. Or, if you really want to hide it, why not buy a toothbrush cover to place over it? I dare anyone who’s never seen one of these toys to notice the difference.
And, even if they do, tell them it’s something new that your dentist suggested—I promise you they’ll never be the wiser for your fib.
Vibrating Finger Bullet
This little number looks like something you’d see in a torture chamber. Be brave, though; it’s the best small sex toy on this list and one of the most convenient. All you need to do is to slip it onto your finger and position it over your clit.
The Bullet is a great option if you’re looking for pinpoint accuracy, so don’t let the size fool you; it really delivers. It’s never going to live up to what you’d get from a full-sized vibrator, but it’ll get the job done.
And, best of all, just clean it off, put it back in the box, and hide it wherever you like.
Magic Wand Vibrator
This is a smaller version of the Magic Wand. It’s considered a mini-wand, so it’s half the size of the original. It packs just as much of a punch, though—so why not just buy this instead of the full version, you ask? This version doesn’t come with all the attachments.
It also only has three power settings; the original has more. Still, there’s more than enough power here to make it worth your while, and it is a lot easier to hide when you’re not using it. It also doesn’t really even look like a vibrator, which is nice.
Oh! Lipstick Vibrator
Talk about hiding in plain sight; this one looks like a plain old lipstick. Even if someone takes the cap off, they’re still going to be completely bamboozled. This makes it highly convenient and easy to hide; just stick it in your purse before going out, or even put it in your pocket.
If you travel a lot, this is not going to cause any second looks when your bags are checked. The only person who’ll realize that you’re carrying anything “naughty” is you. And, can you imagine what your partner will say when you pull this out during a hookup?
Use it to stimulate your nipples and to bring yourself to orgasm. Yes, it’s a simple design that doesn’t have too many features—but then again, how many do you really need? This is the most hide-able sex toy on the list.
Oral Sex Simulator
If you’d like to have the option of someone going down on you wherever you are, check this toy out. It looks a little like a fan at first—but the “blades” are actually tongues made out of silicone. There are ten in total—so just get it into position and switch it on.
The tongues spin around tirelessly, and with a little bit of lube, it feels similar to the real thing. Or, since it’s waterproof, go ahead and use it in the bath for an even more intense sensation. There’s no need to worry about someone having to come up for air.
Try it on your nipples as well – it’s an exciting—albeit different—sensation. Put it in your luggage, and anyone checking it will think it’s a small fan. There are six choices of patterns and speeds, so you can customize your experience well.
It’s easy to charge – you just need to plug in the USB port, and it’s ready to go.
Luxury Clitoral Vibrator
Good Housekeeping dubbed this the Best Vibrator, and it’s not difficult to understand why. At first glance, it looks like a wireless mouse. What I like most about it, though, is how quietly it operates.
This model also offers the most variable options. Choose an intensity of between 1 and 12. Want to change it up even more? Then employ any of the eight vibration patterns.
It’s slightly curved to make it easier to reach where it needs to. This vibrator is also comfortable to hold and keep a grip on, and it also has a discreet storage case.
Another interesting feature is that the medical-grade silicone is self-healing. Technology these days!
Lipstick Bullet Vibrator
Similar to the Oh!, this is shaped to look like a lipstick. Unfortunately, it’s only made to resemble the actual lipstick part—no tube—so it’s probably not going to fool anyone who looks closer. I don’t think anyone’s going to guess what it actually is at first glance, though. You do get a storage bag to keep it in, so unless someone opens the bag, what it looks like won’t matter.
It’s completely waterproof so it can be used in the bath or shower. One of the main advantages of this model is that it’s silent. It’s easy to charge using a USB cable, and it has eight different settings to explore. You’ll love it because it can be used on the clit and also inside the vagina.
Dream Bullet Vibrator
This is another bullet-shaped vibrator that can be used on your clit or in your vagina. It’s a smaller model but has plenty of juice—you have a choice of ten different speeds. What’s different about this model is that it also pulses; there’s nothing else on my list that matches this feature.
The Dream Bullet is completely waterproof and so can be used in the bath and shower. It’s a powerful vibrator that will be a good addition to any home; not only is it quiet and powerful, but it’s also nicely priced.
Womanizer W500
This toy is another one that you’re going to love. Instead of using friction, it creates suction around your clit, and pulses on and off. It’s quite difficult to explain what the feeling is like—just trust me when I say that you will have some of the most amazing orgasms of your life.
The advantage of this action is that your clit won’t get desensitized over time. This is close to what it would feel like if you had a partner sucking your clit.
In terms of discretion, the Womanizer looks like it could be some kind of nebulizer, and it comes with a bag to store it in. It has eight different speed settings; start at the lowest setting and work your way up. But be warned: That top setting is intense.
Another big bonus here is that you get a full four hours of play with a full charge; that’s pretty amazing for any of these devices. It’s a little higher in price, but don’t let that put you off. It’s well worth having this baby on hand for when you need it.
Keeping Your Toys a Secret
If you live alone, this is not such an issue. But what happens if you live with other people, though? As one guy on Facebook found out, it can be disastrous. His grandmother found his masturbators in the drawer and thought they were socks—which he came home to find her wearing.
Now, while this made for a very funny meme, it wouldn’t be nearly as funny if it happened to you. So, let’s find out how you can discreetly store your toys.
Think of a Good Hiding Place—Really
It seems obvious. And most of us would think that a sock or panty drawer would be the perfect spot. As our mortified friend on Facebook found out, though, the sock drawer was a bad option. I’d recommend looking for somewhere that no one will think of looking.
What about a spare handbag that’s in the closet? Or maybe at the back of a drawer or cupboard that’s not used often. Perhaps a small, rarely-used cabinet that no one ever looks in would suffice. If you live with a bunch of guys, think of places they wouldn’t look. A Tampax box might be a good idea, for example.
If you have small kids, make sure that it’s stored somewhere that they can’t get to. That means something that they can’t open, or climb up onto.
Don’t Leave it Lying Around
Yeah, I get it—when you’ve just had an orgasm, you’re not thinking about putting away your toys. You might not think that there’s any harm in skipping the clean-up and going off to do something else. That’s just asking for trouble.
If you have younger siblings or kids, they are bound to be nosing around where they shouldn’t. If you’re heading off to the shower, take it with so that you can clean it up and then put it away. Make it a point to get into the habit of doing these things as soon as possible after the deed is done.
Look for a Toy You Can Use in the Shower
When it comes to discretion, if there’s a chance of someone walking in on you during one of your sessions, choose a waterproof toy. You can use it in the shower in peace and quiet, and while it’s not essential, being waterproof is a good option if you have any family members that don’t respect a closed door.
Consider Storing the Batteries Separately
This is a bit of a schlep, but it’s a safeguard in case anyone finds the toy. If it’s got its batteries in it and someone finds it, there’s a chance that they could switch it on. And if they are unsure as to what this mysterious object is, this is bound to clue them in, or at least increase their curiosity.
Taking the batteries out could be a good way to short-circuit these awkward moments. If it’s not working, people are bound to lose interest fast.
Hide it With Non-Sexual Items
If you store it next to the condoms in the bathroom cabinet, you’re not fooling anyone. If you have a lipstick vibrator, put it in the makeup drawer. Find somewhere to put it that it won’t raise suspicions—somewhere that it blends in with the other items around it.
Get a Lock Box
This sounds a little overboard, I must admit. But if you have a little brother that loves going through all your things, it’s a good option. Stick it in the box and lock it away. That way, it doesn’t really matter if someone finds the box, because they won’t be able to open it.
The following models are more suitable for longer usage periods:
Final Notes
A lot of women are embarrassed about buying sex toys. There’s no reason to be, but society teaches us that “nice” women don’t use sex toys. Being able to buy them online means not having to go to some seedy sex shop and hoping that no one sees you.
It’s a big improvement, but it may not be enough for some women. They worry about what will happen if someone else in the home finds their toy. I can understand that.
Having that conversation with your parents or kids, on the other hand, is not a pleasant prospect. If you choose one of the options that we’ve listed above, you’ll have a discreet tool that’s easier to hide.
From there, it’s just a matter of figuring out where to store it. Your best bet is to put it somewhere that no one is likely to look. Just keep in mind that it should also be out of reach of kids and nosy roommates.
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