If you’d like to spice up your sex life a bit, it’s a great idea to start introducing sex toys. Some sex toys might be easier to introduce than others. It’s simple enough to whip out a small vibrator, for example—but sex doll introduction, however, requires a little more forethought.
In this post, we’ll go through how you can progress through the stages of toy presentation and finally through to a sex toy addition in the form of a doll.
Why Use a Sex Doll with a Partner?
Sex toys are a safe way for both partners to experiment and live out their fantasies. A sex doll could help you live out your fantasy of a three-way without adding in a real-life person to complicate the issue. It could also be a safe way for either partner to experiment with their own sex.
It is also a good solution for partners with differing sexual drives to connect more easily. The partner with the higher drive could use the doll periodically; the other partner won’t feel hounded for sex, and so this could reduce tension in the relationship.
Sex toys can add an extra element of excitement into the bedroom. If you’ve got a great sex life already, you’ll enjoy the new play experience. If your sex life has become staid and boring, adding in toys could help both partners renew their interest.
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How Do I Bring Up the Issue?
You probably have some kind of idea about what your partner likes and doesn’t like in bed. How adventurous are they? If they’re up for anything and open about their fantasies, you’ll know that you can just broach the subject and go from here.
If your partner is a bit more conventional, it might be a better idea to take a more roundabout approach. Start by bringing up the subject of fantasies and find out what your partner is interested in exploring.
Then find out from them how interested they are in exploring their options to spice things up. They might just surprise you and be willing to try new things.
Communication is Key
No matter how adventurous your partner is, you’ll need to discuss everything with them first. Think of a sex doll as if it were a person. Would you just invite a third person into the bedroom without having spoken to your partner about it first? Then you shouldn’t do the same with your doll.
If you can’t have an open and honest conversation about sex, or what your fantasies are, there is something wrong. If that’s the case, you’ll have to work on improving the communication between the two of you first.
If you’ve never broached the topic of sex toys before, you could refer to a discussion you were having or an article you read.
Perhaps you could say something like, “We had an interesting discussion in the locker room today about sex toys. I wanted to see what you thought. How would you feel about trying out a sex toy?”
Approaching things from this angle gives your partner the opportunity to voice any issues they have. By asking them how they would feel rather than asking if they want to try it, you open the communication lines.
You’ll also allow them to see that, although this is something that you’d like to try, you’re not pressurizing them. They, in turn, should feel more comfortable discussing their own fantasies.
Don’t Pull Out the Doll…Yet
If your partner is up for trying something new, find a toy that’s as not intimidating. A small bullet vibrator, for example, is compact and simple enough to use. Your goal here is to introduce how much fun the toys can be for both of you.
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Take it slowly. Your partner may feel that the toy could replace them. Show them that this is not the case. It’s one of the most enduring myths that people only want to introduce sex toys if they’re unsatisfied with their sex lives.
That couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s normal, even in a satisfying relationship, to try new things. Do you want to go through your whole life only using the missionary position? Of course not—you want to keep things fresh by changing your position to enhance your pleasure.
Think of sex toys as yet another new position—they’re there to enhance the fun, not because you feel unsatisfied. Your partner may need to be reassured that you care about them more than the toys. These toys can sometimes satisfy different pleasure areas better than straightforward sex does.
It’s also important to take it slowly and reassure your partner that if they don’t like the toys, they can always put them away.
Agree on Rules to Follow
Set up a system of rules when it comes to the use of the toy. Will it be kept exclusively for when you’re together? Will you use it every time? Will it be kept for special occasions? What are the rules about when it should be put away?
Now Start Cranking it Up
Once you and your partner are comfortable with the experience, it’s time to open a new conversation about taking things a step further. Perhaps you could start incorporating something a bit spicier. What about some light bondage or even possibly a sex swing?
Have the same open and honest conversation with your partner as you did before. Again, you’ll need to approach it from the perspective of it being exciting. You should never make your partner feel inadequate.
Have fun with the new toy or a piece of BDSM furniture and see if it unlocks a more adventurous spirit in you both. If so, then you can start experimenting with different toys.
Now Broach the Subject of the Doll
With a sex doll, you have to be particularly careful of your partner feeling inadequate. A good way to introduce the topic might be during a discussion of sexual fantasies. A lot of people have a fantasy of being in a three-way.
Not everyone, however, is willing to take that step in a relationship. It’s not surprising – introducing a third person involves a lot of different feelings and can complicate things. There may be concerns that your partner enjoys sex with the third person more.
Introducing a sex doll could give you both a taste of what a three-way would be like. It’s true that it is a passive player, but it’s a lot less complicated than inviting someone else into your bed.
When you and your partner are discussing fantasies, bring up the idea of a three-way. Find out what they feel about the idea. Again, you could say something along the way of, “How would you feel about engaging in a three-way?”
Tell your partner that you’re concerned about the emotional complications of bringing in a real person. Then you can broach the topic of using a sex doll and see how your partner feels about it.
If you haven’t bought it yet, involving your partner in finding one can make the experience better for both of you.
Final Notes
When it comes to bringing in new sex toys, especially larger ones like sex dolls, it’s best to work up to it slowly. It may be necessary to build your partner’s confidence and to reassure them that it’s just for fun, not a replacement.
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